When I started to foster I had this idea that some people were seriously screwed up. Those people shouldn’t be a parent, but happened to conceive kids. And those kids happened to end up in the foster care system, due to neglect or abuse. These people were not in touch with who they were as a parent, nor understanding and caring for the wellbeing of their child.
Slowly but surely, I started to understand I was the one not in touch with reality. Even though there may be screwed up people who don’t care and happen to get kids; most parents I have met thus far, try to be a good parent. They have many qualities I like to see in them as a parent.
These kids are singing songs, are potty trained, can eat a variety of food, etc. Not all of them check all the boxes of course, but I am always glad to see when they are developing according to their age.
The problem is not that biological parents are bad people. At All. They are not bad people. The problem is that life overtakes their ability to care for their children. That can be because of many different reasons. And I won’t go into assumptions about what those could be.
But I have been very impressed with some moms to see that there is a lot of love (heart) for their child. But they are missing tools, support, knowledge or experiences to do the right thing for their child.
Nowadays I am mostly happy to meet and see the biological parents, as they do try to get things right in their life, and therefore the kids life. Any little hint they can provide me about the habits of the child helps me in taking better care of their little one.
Especially when a little one isn’t old enough to tell me what they like, or when they sleep. Getting to know their favorite food, or bed time routine, makes for a better home for these kids.
I am thankful for the biological parent that trusts me to take care of their little one. It’s a blessing for all of us.